Killer Caramello Koala!!!

When I was a wee Furry, a short while after the events of the last post, Poppy thought he'd be clever. He took us to a newly opened Supermarket in Bulleen (in Melbourne eastern suburbs). Since it was such a big event, anyone who was anyone was there. Since all these celebs were about, everyone who was after a "meet & greet" or cheap goodies was also there. And of course, all sorts of promotions were in full flight.

Poppy took the opportunity to do a “little shop”’ to take advantage of the specials. Lainie & I had developed a cunning strategy. Both of us would run forward of Poppie & the trolley. One of us would stop, the other would keep going. We'd see something that took our eye & would rip it off the shelf, screaming, "CAN WE HAVE THIS? CAN WE HAVE THIS?" at the top of our lungs.

Should Poppy try & explain that we'd already had sufficient sugar uptake rations we'd protest "IT'S NOT FAIR, IT'S NOT FAIR"! and basically we'd shame (read embarress) him into caving in to our demands.

Well, Lainie & I had finished in one aisle & were running ahead when Poppy warned, "Don't go to far - there could be bears here".

We looked at each other, today it would be a look of "What The Fuck"????

Unknown to us Caramelo Koala, (a man wearing a bear suit, who was the face of a national sweet range, (much like Freddo frog), but in the shape of a Koala), was in the building giving away sweets.

We looked at each other, decided that Poppy had lost his mind, and after 3 nano-seconds concern over Poppies mental health, we shrugged our shoulders & ignored Poppy's warning and took off around the corner like rat's up a drain pipe.

You see, if you found something you liked as soon as you got into the new aisle it gave you the extra time to invoke the negotiating system of yelling, (nay screaming) "CAN WE HAVE THIS, CAN WE HAVE THIS" and then argue about it not being fair.

That was our logic anyway.

So, we were off & racing, came zapping around the corner at nearly a million miles an hour, to ran almost smack dab into this HUGE FUCKEN BEAR. The bear, seeing two excited children suddenly appear, assumed we were there for him.

He lunges forward & booms , "COME 'ERE & GIVE ME A HUG".

We locked up, our heals ripping up the floor covering & FUCKEN SCREAMED the most blood curdling of screams ever heard in a horror movies to date! So loud in fact, the roof near fucken caved in. We turned tail, and bolted. As we approached the corner, Lainie had the inside racing line, forced me wide on the turn.

With both of us banked over at an angle that would do a racing bike proud, along came Poppy & his trolley.

Lainie, with the inside racing line, shot between the trolley & the shelves & grabbed Poppy first. By wrapping herself around Poppy's leg, this opened Poppy’s angle further, with the trolley now slowly drifting across into Furry's flight path.

Furry in sheer terror, hip & shoulders (crunches) the trolley out of the way, in order to get to the protection he required from Poppy, turns the trolley from a slowly graceful arc, into a high speed weapon of mass destruction.

It could be said, at about this point, not all things were going to plan. The trolley spun at high speed & hits Poppy in the “family jewels”, (nuts, cods, lads, testicles, call ‘em what you will). The trolley then crashed onto its side, spilling its contents all over on to the ground.

Poppy, (still with Lainie firmly attached to his leg) is now on the ground, holding his groin, with little Furry’s arms wrapped firmly around Poppy's neck, (I think it was this that made his face start to turn blue).

Now Caramelo Koala has realised he’s fucked the pooch (made a slight judgement error) & in actual fact he's scared near 3 shades of shit out of the children. Somehow, I’m sure, what ensued was not the intended outcome of this promotional campaign.

Caramelo started forward, arms outstretched, to "help" calm the children and clear the carnage.

Little Furry screamed "HE'S GONNA EAT US", and that "possibly" caused Poppies "slight" hearing deficiency.

Lainie & Furry realise that Poppy isn’t well, so it was up to them to protect him. Side by side, we stood, gallantly, armed with little Aeroplane jelly crystal packets, throwing them, and anything else they could get our hands on, at the marauding bear.

Well the battle raged for what seemed ages, but Furry & Fairy power was eventually superior and the bear was forced to disappeared, never to be seen again, (while we were there anyway).

We returned home & Poppy told Nanna about what had happened. Nanna was a little embarrassed, but Poppy said he was so proud of his "little champs" because they fought off the big bear and saved him.

Two things have happened since this day. 1). Lainie & I would carefully peer down every isle in a supermarket prior to turning into it, & 2). to this day, neither Lainie nor I like eating Caramelo Koalas ...........

Go figure