Lost and Found!!!!

Hi all, Uncle Furry here, it's 2.30pm on a Friday afternoon (EST) in good ol’ Melbourne town. Uncle Furry has a couple of meaningless tasks to finish off before jumping into the beast, fighting the good fight home, (because I share the road with fuckwits who don't understand its all about "Me, me, me" and they should just piss off outta my way).

So it’s time again to invoke our SOP’s. So, skip off to the “dunny” (toilet, potty, rest room, whatever you want to call it). Grab a drinkie, and some munchies (snacks, crisps, chips, burger rings, etc, etc) and hunker down in your favourite possie (position) for this week's Uncle Furry revelations.

While someone is up, can you grab Uncle Furry his smokes, a big glass of Bourbon, with ½ a dozen ice cubes.

“AWWWWWW FUCK ME & someone put those dogs out (Mrs Peaches & Stella) – Their farting somethin’ rotten. The kids must have fed them boiled eggs again”.

Their putrid those two! And with what they’re “venting”, they could kill a black dog at 20 paces. Which is a concern, since both are black!

Anyway, that's not going to detract from this week’s story. They used to be called chronicles, but that was before the "Prax the Spell Checker Nazi" kicked in & now Uncle Furry is just gonna use little words he knows how to shpell.

So, on to the story ……..

Once upon a time, when Furry was a small child, Poppy & Nanna L would look after him & his cousin Lainie. (This was the Poppy who was a WW2 hero & someone I really loved & respected), not the piss head that lived in Seaford. Nanna was a little beige at times, Poppa was really cool, and my cousin & I were always immaculately dressed.

Lainie would wear shiny little shoes, anklet frilly socks, cute little "Shirley Temple” style dresses. Her hair in pony-tails. Getting the picture? Furry would wear shiny back shoes, short socks, royal blue shorts, white short sleeved shirt. Hair combed nicely. We'd be polished like a button.

As with anyone who’s ever dealt with kids, well poor Poppy, we sort of inadvertently fucked with his head a bit (possibly even a lot). One particular day, Poppy took Lainie & I into the city to Myer's, (a very large department store).

You see, when I was growing up, EVERYTHING was in the city, Dentists, Doctors, Accountants, I mean everything. We’d go into the city, get what needed to be done, & then we were to be treated to a lunch in the Coles/Myer cafeteria.

The Coles/Myer cafeteria to a kid was just "so cooool", you had a tray, you walked along, picked what you wanted, and kept pushing the tray along until you got to the register. So it was a special day for us.

Poppy had to go to the department store (Myers) to buy a present for Nanna's upcoming birthday, and we were sort of pissing him off. We’d constantly ask , “When’s lunch?” or “How much longer” or advise him, “We’re STARVING” or “I'M GONNA DIE!”.

We sort of thought this would move him along. The out come was better than we could have expected!

After a while it got too much & he said, "Look, go & find something to occupy yourselves for a couple of minutes". Well, we did EXACTLY what we THOUGHT we were told to do.

We asked this very fine lady some directions & off we set. 3 flights of escalators later we are in the toy department. Well, do you know how much fun it is to occupy yourself when you’re busy opening boxes & playing with brand new toys?

"Occupy yourselves for a couple of minutes"? I think not baby puppy; I'd still be there today given half a chance. Well, we’re playing happily, to the point where we weren't even fighting!

Every now & then over the intercom system someone would say, "We are looking for a little boy & a girl, if you are lost please talk to one of our Sales people". Poor little buggers we thought, this place would be a scary as all fuck to be lost in, & back to playing we'd go.

A very lovely lady asked if we were lost & we told her no, we were fine thanks, and off she went. Well we played for ages. Still they called for these lost kids & still we played happily.

Eventually Poppy turned up; he wasn't looking overly happy to see us. He had a man with him, he was the manager we found out later & the lady who asked if we were OK in the first place was there too.

Poppy asked, "Why did you say no when this lady asked you if you were lost?" We explained to him that we weren't lost. That we found the toy department so we knew exactly where we were! He then informed us that HE couldn't find us & HE was scared.

He must thought this was the best option open to him to guilt the two children into never disappearing again. Excellent plan Poppy, the road of life is littered with the crumpled & torched remains of “excellent plans”.

Imagine the next scene, two little kids bawling their eyes out, hugging Poppies legs, telling him it was OK, we'd found him now & he's safe. My cousin reaction was the best. "Poppy, why didn't you ask one of the Sales people to call us over the radio & tell us where you were? You didn't need to be scared of them, they are really very nice people",

Apparently, little furry walked up to the man, shook his hand & thanked him for finding Poppy & bringing him back, repeated the same to the lady. Instead of shaking her hand, Furry gave her a kissed on the cheek in appreciation.

Wiping tears from our eyes, we told Poppy that we wanted to skip the Coles/Myer cafeteria lunch; we just wanted to get him home because we knew how upset he'd be after being lost.

My most prized memory of that day was, we were all getting ready for bed, and Poppy, bless him, would clean his teeth with us so we knew that there was no more sweets for anyone tonight.

Well the conversation went this way, please understand my cousin Lainie had a horrid stutter, and I'm definitely not talking the piss out of her, (teasing her), but the story needs to be as it was said. It took place while Poppy was cleaning his teeth.

Lainie - "Ppppppppooooppppppy ........."

Poppy - "Yes darling".............

Lainie - "Ppppppppppooopppppppyyyy tttthhhhhh"

Poppy - "My little darling, take a deep breath, another, that's my girl, what is it precious"

Lainie - "Pppppoopppyy tttthhhatttsss thhhhhe tttttoooooothhhh bbbbruuushhhhhh Fuuurrrryyy & I uuuuuusee tttttooo cccccclllleeeeaaaannnn tttthhhheeeee ppppppooooooottttttyyyyy" - Translation "Poppy, that's the tooth brush Furry & I use to clean the potty (training toilet)

Well Poppy spat a lot more than normal that night, rinsed even more so, gargled & gargled, then cleaned his teeth all over again with another tooth brush !!!!

Don't ask, I had no idea why .....

See ya next week

Furry.