Uncle Furry, Little Furrys & the ZOMBIE CHICKEN!
Told this story to Prax last night & others on the board today have been wondering, so here it is!
I'm the eldest of 4 boys; the story takes place when I was 13. My brothers were 8,6,4. Parents were busy with their shop so on the weekends my grandparents would mind all 4 boys.
Pop K was an alcoholic, & usually hammered by 6.00pm on a Friday night & crawling off to bed.
On Friday nights "Deadly Earnest" was aired on Channel 10, (in those day’s it was Channel 0).
It was a show where the host would be all spooky & scary, and showed a variety of horror movies every week. One week vampires, next mummies, etc, etc. On this particular Friday night it was a movie about Zombies. These fuckers just wouldn't die.
All 4 boys on the couch JUST peering over the blanket, all shit scared, but no one willing to say so. Everytime there was a noise, there would be 4 fresh dents in the roof!
Important to the story, whenever Pop K & Nan K had a fight, Pop K would go to his shed, sit there drinking beer, with his favourite pet Bantam rooster sitting on the bench. While hand feeding the bantam he’d bitch to it about Nan K.
This bantam was a bastard of an animal. It ruled the backyard like Hitler. All us boys were scared of it, as was the dog, because it would lay in wait & ambush us.
Picture this, a large backyard in Seaford (
It was here that you were most at risk of being ambushed.
Tired of the constant & unrelenting attacks a plan was hatched by the 3 eldest boys to scare the bantam into submission. The plan required the youngest brother to be sent down the path as a decoy. Again, much, MUCH coaxing was required. You know, it would have been so much easier for us if he just did as he was fucken told & not argue all the bloody time.
We (the 3 eldest) then armed ourselves to the teeth with projectiles (stones, dirt bombs etc), and as planned the bantam attacks! Young brother was off & running in first place, bantam in a close second, projectiles flying, (young brother received some "friendly fire" damage), with some missing the designated target, some hitting.
We adopted the very much used US Army "pray/spray" mentality of warfare. And again, the 3 brothers had already discussed this plan & it was a risk we were willing for him to take.
Suddenly, second brother lets fly with a pearler (great) throw, nailing (hitting) the bantam in the back of the head. The bantam slumps forward, skids along the ground & comes to rest; face down; it’s wings spread, totally motionless & unmoving.
Our focus now moves from the bantam & our peripheral vision expands.
We all start to take in the scene & carnage around the same time. Feathers slowly fluttering down from the heavens, dirt, dust, stones all around the yard, as it unfolds we all realise that a). Pops favourite bantam is dead, b). Black feathers are ALL over the yard & c). When Pop finds out, we’re all dead!
We decide to clean the yard up PRONTO. As for the missing bantam, we are adopting Sargent Schultz’s (from Hogan’s Heros) response to questioning. That is “We know nothing, NOTHING!”.
If further questioned, “It must have just escaped”!
With our plan hatched, a place at the very back corner of the yard, where nothing ever grew, was selected as the burial site, a shovel was taken from the shed, and a hole was dug, DEEP!
The bantam was picked up on the shovel, carried carefully as far away from you as possible (as if it was going to explode any second), and then the lifeless body dropped unceremoniously into the hole.
A second shovel load of dirt was dropped on the poor departed bird when suddenly it jumped up out of the hole, screeching, flapping it's wings & attacks!
Second youngest brother screams "ZOMBIE CHICKEN, ZOMBIE CHICKEN" and the now revitalised & very pissed off bird attacked the 4 boys, and dog.
Picture this, 4 boys, 1 large dog, all in real fear of their lives, running full bore towards the back door, one screaming “ZOMBIE CHICKEN, ZOMBIE CHICKEN” with the bird hard on our arses.
Pop on hearing the commotion, opens the door just in time to be mowed down by the fearful 5.
Pop, now laying flat on his back, looks up between his feet, to see the bird, the feathers, the carnage.
Demanding to know what has happened. Your’s truly, seizing the opportunity to save his & his furry brother’s lives, yells, "Mr Jones' cat attacked the bantam".
Mr Jones, also a pisshead, disliked my Pop as much as Pop disliked him. So next thing Pop & Mr Jones are in a full blown punch up over what was latter to be referred to as “That fucken cat & That bloody bird debacle” by the boys anyway.
On a much needed positive side, we boys were saved from an absolute belting & Mr Jones & Pop were able to maintain their "normal" relationship.
Several weeks later the ZOMBIE CHICKEN passed in an unfortunate accident. 2nd Youngest brother (Zombie Chicken boy) was in a hurry to get the "good seat" in the car for the trip to the beach (the seat between Nanna & Poppa) and was therefore desperate to get to the car to claim it.
ZOMBIE CHICKEN true to form, attacked & chased the poor lad, he dived into the back seat of the car (because that was the door that was open) and slammed it shut.
So that's the story, I don't like it when animals are hurt, but ZOMBIE CHICKEN had it coming!
Still don't know why brother #3 is in therapy. Maybe it is partly due to ZOMBIE CHICKEN; maybe it was when I ran him over with a motorbike & sidecar. Ahhhh that's another story.
Have a great day
Furry
2 comments:
I've no idea who you are but I loved reading your story. I was doing a search trying to find info to help my chicken who was attacked by a cat and that's how I found this page.
You'll probably appreciate this: a zombie chicken book
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